Upon waking this morning at 10am (having had nearly nine hours sleep) I felt like I hadn't slept at all. Maybe it has something to do with the antidepressants my doctor prescribed me due to my emotional outbursts in her office. God I must have seemed like a basket case. I also seem to have developed a slight tremor in my hands and I think my neck, but it's hard to tell by looking in the mirror. It did say I might get those on the warning, but the warning also says I might develop anorexia, suicidal thoughts, aggressiveness, hallucinations, asthma, diabetes and kidney stones. Something to look forward to at least. Maybe I'll record my head with my webcam and see how it moves. Maybe I won't.
So a letter from the hopital confirming my appointment with a Dr Linda Parsons on Monday evening along with a deep sleep CD I ordered ages ago was waiting for me once I got up. A little late considering I've been sleeping really well lately. My appointment can't come soon enough. I woke up in the night last night and it seemed my entire left arm had gone to sleep. I'd understand if I was sleeping on it, but I wasn't. My right hand was numb the night before and my little finger the night before that. When I move, blood does rush back, but it's still off putting and an unwelcome reminder that I'm not my usual self. Seeing my regular doctor tomorrow as well, I'm not ready to go back to work on Monday, but brain is still mush, I hope she signs me off for another week. I think I may just ask -- I know that if I go on Monday I'll just stress myself out and fail so much at it. It will do more harm than good. Not that I want to shy away from work, far from it, I'd want nothing more than to go back and nail it! I just have to be sure. I need to see the neurologist before I consider going back.
I promised myself I'd get a hair cut today, but I really don't feel like it. I don't feel like doing anything now. Oh come on Carl! Get it together. What can really have changed in you this much? Yesterday I felt a slight sliver of my own thought patterns returning, I loved it, but it didn't last. When I watch TV now, whenever the camera pans or zooms or moves fast, I feel a bit off and sick. Like I'm sliding with the motion. And that never happened before. Not sure what that could be. As long as it's not a brain tumour, I'll deal. Oh god it could be. Argh! You must stop this! Stop thinking the worst. I'm going to make an appointment with the hairdressers for tomorrow, I'm going to shower and sort myself out. I'm totally fine.
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